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I was reading an article by a clinical psychologist with a standing practice here in Los Angeles. And I wanted to expand on what she said, but from the opposite perspective of someone who could potentially be in the shoes of her clients.
A lot of people’s lives were derailed in the past 18 months to two years because of the panorama. Individuals had to navigate the situation with no choice, and some people grew, yet others plateaued. Either way, how you handled it is up to you, but this could be one of the factors to why we feel like we don’t have control over things lately.
You might think you should have had kids by now. Or you should have lost that weight. Why you’re not married yet. Or even have a long term partner. Your career might not be where you want it to be — the list goes on.
How to deal with it
It’s time to create a space of self-compassion, acceptance of what is going on, and open-mindedness for what is to come. The fact that we give ourselves such definitive expectations based on society and / or biology is perfectly normal and nothing is wrong with you. We simply have to address them and move on with our lives.
Understand, acknowledge and ask, “I’m not where I want to be. I don’t have that thing. What do I have?”
Make a choice
Decide whether you want to keep things the same, or still try to reach the milestone or goal you were aiming for by changing your approach to life. You can do it. It’s just a matter of how to do it. Since what you were doing isn’t gaining the result you want, you might have to try something new or do the same thing differently.
People don’t typically like acknowledging they have an issue, because that means they have to act on it so the mass of people move on like nothing has changed. There are times people don’t want to change and stay in the same place as they were last year. Do you want to be one of those people? Answering this question may bring some difficult truths, but how you react to it will set the next chain of events for your future.
Answer the questions, “Do I want my life to change? Or stay the same?”
Take control or let life control you
I’m definitely the kind of person who sees an issue and tries to solve it within the hour. I don’t like to dwell on a problem and just complain about it. Yes, I do vent though. Sometimes it might not be in our control and cannot be solved within a matter of minutes like I wish it was. If there was no contention, there would be no life worth living in my book. Life would be easy and everyone would do it prosperously haha.
But there are things you can control like your emotions, how much you spend — time or money, people you surround yourself with, what you can do now to take action, and so on.
For example, if I had a problem with recovering from my surgery — there’s not much I can control over that. But what I can do is call my doctor right away and ask what my options are, then go from there. I’ve done my part in moving forward in making a decision.
The trick is to move on with your life doing the things you want to do.
If you do have a goal or aspiration, keep going. The moment you feel like things aren’t going your way is the time to double down and work harder towards it. I don’t care if you don’t feel like doing it. However, from my experience the times that I was broke were the times I worked my hardest to make money, earn from three jobs, and was willing to put up with every obstacle in my way. There were times where I didn’t feel people were listening and just had to get through that time to break through to thousands who agreed with me.
Keep going. Do all the things you want to do, need to do to reach your goal and be relentless. Be selfish, take your time, and focus. Simplify your life into aiming to do that one thing. And do each thing one at a time will full confidence and concentration.
The technique is to
- Acknowledge your situation.
- Feel your feelings — if you’re feeling sad or awful an occurrence wasn’t met.
- Take action and do something about your situation.
I encourage you today that if you can’t have kids, look into adoption all over the world, all the laws around it. Babysit all of your friends’ and family’s kids. Find a way to give back to all the little ones you love.
If you can’t afford whatever it is you’re trying to, save your hard earned money and keep finding new ways to earn and live wisely to make sure you maximize your worth.
When you’re trying to write a book, write one page a day.
If you want to spend more time with loved ones, create 30 minutes to spend with them without your mobile devices and just breathe the same air as them.
Time is precious.
Don’t sit around lamenting of what could have been. Instead, find something new to love and adjust to your situation. You can feel bad about it for a period of time — that’s up to you — but it’s important to not stay there too long. That’s when people get stuck. You need to pick yourself up and move on finding something you absolutely love. Things get better and life goes on. It’s only how you let it go on, and you want to be a little bit ahead of yourself by doing mostly what you really feel good about.
It’s actually a really good distraction to start living life and doing things, like endless hobbies that make you feel interested and interesting starting them. You get a taste of finding out who you are, and end up actually building the life you like. You make new friends, gain new skills, and master a development you could use on your résumé. It doesn’t get better than that. Once you start distracting yourself with these things, you won’t feel like you’re just keeping yourself busy anymore, you find a passion you love and life you want to live.
What helps me
Something that helps me is journalling. Psychologists and neuroscientists say to journal before bed, because when you get those thoughts out of your head it’s easier to sleep. You end up with racing ideas and get anxiety so you’re lying there in the dark. I think this is imperative even when you’re awake as I constantly have racing thoughts of if I think I’m where I’m supposed to be.
What i like to do is journal, or simply create a to do list, and plan.
People think I’m organized, but I’m not. That’s why I double down on organizing and trying to take care of my life with some sense of order. I have planners, agenda, and post its all over my office. I turn the page to a new clean slate, or throw away old ones that don’t matter to simplify my life and stay focused. It really helps me streamline and prioritize what’s important, before I get to the small things that aren’t what I think are necessity.
Getting your life in order, whether it’s cleaning your room, organizing your clothes to make them neat and ready for the next day, or simply getting thoughts out is a great way to start with a clean slate. Planning helps me see what I actually have done and am capable of doing. Then I can move ahead to doing the things I want to do and start again creating new habits with those new ideas.
Try this out and let me know your thoughts in the comments below of what is helping you succeed with designing the life you want successfully. It’s definitely a journey where it ebbs and flows, but once those waves calm, you have reached a sense of what is hopefully positive consistency. It definitely has for me.
Get your life in order
Thank you so much for taking time to read this. I hope you find some inspiration in this and feel free to share with your friends as a free way to help my blog grow. Your support is endlessly appreciated.