It’s great to have friends from different walks of earth in every sense of the word. You get wonderful support, perspective into a different way of thinking, and a variation of culture you open your eyes too. Subscribe for The Glow Up weekly newsletter and never miss a single post!
However, I’m finding that those with different values than me are harder to make friends with. I don’t ever judge someone negatively for what a person thinks. When our lifestyles don’t align, it makes it more challenging to spend time with someone on your wavelength.
For instance, if you don’t drink, making plans of going out to a restaurant makes you babysit everyone when you just want to relax and catch up with friends. They turn into a different person after a few glasses, and leaving sounds very compelling. It’s kind of like having two friends, but one of them is not very favourable.
Having friends who drink is not a problem at all. It’s just that there are people who don’t understand their limits. Also, it’s possible they have no idea what they look like when they do and lose control of their devices. I also worry about the uber driver or someone taking advantage of my gorgeous single girlfriend when she’s making her way home. This is why I’m questioning if I should have single friends.
Single friends have so many problems. I’m tired of knowing people who are surprised that I work out. Or those who aren’t sure of their standards. Or those who don’t know if they want kids. Or those who don’t understand I wake up in the morning very early, because I choose to make coffee for my husband. There are so many contingencies with single people that are huge life changing decisions and standards that are not a priority for them. It’s like witnessing a roller coaster that’s standing on one leg.
The benefits of married friends
- They have a husband whom you can trust to look after them and take them home in case they drink.
- Being married says a lot about their discipline, commitment, loyalty, and responsibility of being happily married.
- Their standards are higher when choosing a place to go, because they are not worried about looking for a guy to take home.
- They make it to bed on time, because they have someone to come home to and understand they have to wake up early in the morning to pay a mortgage.
- They don’t dress overtly sexy when going out, because they’re not trying to pull.
- They don’t bring unwanted attention from lingering men who try to chat us up all night, because they say, ‘No thank you. I am happily married.’
- They have other priorities than trying to crash on your couch drunk.
- They don’t wonder if a guy likes them the whole time we hang out and we can talk about other interesting topics.
- They are always looking forward to new plans and a life they are building.
- They don’t deeply discuss the oblivion of wondering if they will ever pair with someone great and our friendly date turns into a therapy session.
- They don’t feel insecure and you don’t have to talk them off the ledge because of it.
The last time I was back in Copenhagen, back in December, I caught up with a friend who was telling me about friends with children. He said, you won’t see them until the kid is three. They might go out with you for jazz and swing dancing. But then when the little one hits five and is self sufficient, then they start going out again.
I’m prepared for that five year lull, as I’m sure my married friends and I will eventually have children in common. Even if they are not the same age, they will know each other at parties, and have some sort of friendly relationship. If they attend the same school, they can have someone they know and feel less alone. It can also bring you closer to their parents as they are constantly at similar events.
Perhaps the single friends feel quite like the overflowing handful of cons, because I live currently in Los Angeles. This is the city known for having the unhappiest singles in the United States according to a survey taken six years ago or so. It’s possible things have changed. But I feel like the culture in the city of angels becomes darker and more austere.
I find that single people have a lack of security in themselves and have this confrontational, unhappy mood even when I’m radiating the most positive energy. It’s hard to be upset when you see someone so uplifting and encouraging, yet they still manage to get down on themselves. I’m trying to find the pros of single friends, but the only thing I can think of is they have time to spend with you. Except they choose not to spend time with you.
Having friends who don’t go to a job all day, then coming home to Netflix is really boring. All my married friends always have an upcoming trip, a momentus achievement they’re working on accomplishing, or a wonderful house project. There’s always some sort of transformation going on in their lives. It’s like that quote that says, ‘Being married is one of the biggest self development things you can do.’ It escapes my mind who said it. I officially drank the kool-aid and I don’t mind. It feels great to have a sense of purpose, responsibility, and fulfillment.
This article is not to trash single people. I have wonderful single friends who have a good head on their shoulders. Yes, sometimes they party too hard, but they still get up early in the morning to work just as hard. They have profound, ontological discussions with me. They make me laugh and can talk about other larger than life ideas rather than being single and finding love.
You are the outliers. I wish I could keep up with all the ground you’re breaking, and you know who you are. Olya. Bianca. Jonathan. Paul. The list goes on, but these are the first who come to mind.