Some people might see this to be destructive or unloving. I call it being driven haha. I left my sanctuary with my husband to protect our relationship and focus on my work.
We’re still married, still in love, and still faithful. I just want to be able to give him 110% of my time when together. For those of you who know how much I love my work and the extremes I go through, you will understand this takes my working 12pm to 7am to another level.
What started it all
The past couple weeks I’ve been waking up at 7-7:30am just to work. Getting up, not brushing teeth, or washing face. Straight to the other room in my home that is an office. The reason I do this first thing, is because I get started on the most important parts of the day. But taking a step back even further, I did myself the favor of cleaning out all the email addresses logged into my iPhone to only have my work email.
Having your work email be the only thing you see in your phone first thing in the morning is the proper kick in the ass that will get you moving. It’s also treated me well. I turned my old routine of getting up at 12pm and working til 2am to getting started at 7:30 and finishing some time around 7pm or a bit earlier if I still haven’t eaten.
My husband has always had the worst schedule. It didn’t fit his own, didn’t fit mine. Ever since I met him and we started dating, hospital hours were not our friend. He works at Cedars-Sinai in Beverly Hills and they never cut him a break. He’s been on the late shift (not considered night shift) going into work 2pm to come home at midnight.
This has just added years of us together not exactly aligning with our schedules and me sacrificing quite a bit to make this work. We both sacrificed. But that’s not the catalyst. This is the familiar.
It all started when I would be working in what is now our office. He had to go out of his way to visit IKEA and buy a new desk. I bought him a desk as a beautiful gift. The glass one a couple years ago because he asked. He never used it as he wanted to pursue investing in real estate. It took him years to take the leap. So the desk sat there untouched.
I started multiple businesses within the time he had enough to purchase property and got my time in with the glass desk. He wasn’t grateful. I’m not mad at it. 🙂 It was a gift and he didn’t want it so I can’t change that.
The problem was where was he going to put this new, even bigger desk?
Next thing I knew, he faced the desks toward each other and our monitors are blocking each others’ faces. That’s cool.
But a few times when he’s home before work until 2-3pm and I’m working in the office, he distracts me. I am the kind of person who needs to be locked in a closet alone and work. Distractions are not to be had when I’m working, which is one of the many reasons I stay as healthy as possible, talk to the least people as possible, and have no background noise when I’m in work mode.
Sometimes I’ll have a few podcasts or audiobooks on when I’m doing grunt work. I’m not a robot haha.
I will close the door and say, “I just need one hour to concentrate.” He replies with a nod.
FIVE MINUTES LATER HE WILL ASK IF I WANT SAUSAGE AND EGGS.
Everyone thinks, “What a kind and caring husband!” This is not kind and caring. It’s not even considerate of one specific thing I asked. I don’t ask for much. Especially when it comes to my business.
Every 5 minutes he asks if I want a cup of tea. Andrew being from England he can’t survive without it. But I can. Every 5 minutes he asks if I want anything. And every answer is the same: no. Maybe just some time to not be bothered when working.
I’m trying to make big moves happen here! He’s a courteous wonder, bless him and his gentlemanliness. But I lose all train of thought when disturbed and have to start from scratch on whatever I was working on before.
People think I’m a fucking monster for wanting to work. I can’t help but laugh with a genuine warm smile. I love him! I love that he is this way, but I really need a separate space to work. A new office of sorts. One that doesn’t crush my spine in the night because he’s trying to cuddle me.
I weigh 100 pounds. My husband weighs more than my dad–who was way taller than Andrew. And weighed less. Andrew literally lifts weights all morning. His muscle mass literally crushes my spine when sleeping when he puts his arm on me. I’m not exaggerating. I can’t breathe when he puts his hand on my stomach. My neck and back fucking hurt every morning.
We were in a king size bed in New York and he took up all the space just to cuddle me on the edge of my side of the bed. I hate cuddling because he crushes me. And I love stretching and sleeping like a swastika to make things worse.
We don’t spend quality time together
as it is. When I want a break, he’s working. When he wants attention, I want to work. There’s no winning except sectioning dedicated time to plan being together. It’s only logical. Yes, the emotional side of me wants to chill on the couch watching 007 movies with him. But HE DOESN’T EVEN SIT WITH ME ON THE COUCH WHEN WE DO hahaha. He sits in a separate chair.
Maybe my breath is just horrible and I talk through the whole film, yes. But it takes 3 times to call his name before he looks up lol. I can’t help but laugh.
My grandpa lives in the Hollywood Hills. I just had to mention that because of how fabulous his view of the mountains are. Which gave me even more incentive when he offered that I stay in one of his many guest rooms!
The only stipulation was I have to cook dinner. We both keep each other accountable. Because we’re the exact same when it comes to diving into work and skipping meals just to get the job done.
As kind as his heart is, I cannot thank him enough in helping me provide a solution to something that will benefit my marriage, business, and overall health!
Everyone in his business says how this is a brilliant idea in case either of his cancers start acting up. He always smiles at the idea of having a clean meal ready after a long day and not having to walk his puppy on his own.
Today, January 22, 2021, I move to my grandpa’s house with only 3 bags and my iMac. Why the iMac? Because it’s really fast and the only computer connected to my phone. I’m already at the house almost every day because I work with my grandpa on the side anyway. But this time, I can spin and sing like a Disney princess and luxuriate the freedom to work with nothing holding me back.
This is only going to be until April as I have so many things planned for upcoming launches in my online business. I’ve got some growing to do, so I’m going to put my head down and get the work done.
What is business move that surprised you when you were leveling up in your enterprise? I’d love to know more in the comments.
Update: February 9, 2021 Tuesday 1:31 am
I am currently suffering everything I expected to be suffering and more.
There are days when I force myself to take a break in the evening by spending time with the one year old cockapoo, Cocoa. Or even listen to lectures on Ancient Roman History.
But other days I want to push on and continue listening to another marketing podcast that ironically teaches steps on how to avoid burnout, I turn on a course with the sound off but accompanied with the settings changed to a higher speed so I can read the captions faster.
My eyes are swollen from lack of sleep, I laugh deliriously at the sound of the wind when there is none, and my head falls onto my desk even after my second coffee.
There’s a reason why people leave the office and go home. My to do list is endless and my clients always need something to be done. Only the good ones know only to bother me when it’s important and I’ll follow up ASAP. But then there are others who try to take advantage and I do them a further favor by responding politely and right away to not frustrate the situation.
I need to find a solution to this circle of shit. A day off and an escape to go home and see my husband after days of not having seen him is warranted. He should be my priority after all. Our family, relationship, and oh yeah–health.
Feelings of missing him amplifies as I say goodnight to him on Facetime. We schedule to see each other the next day and catch up at home. Not this office home. He doesn’t step anywhere near this place, thank goodness.
When I get back here there will still be a thousand things that need to be done. But I will get to it when I get to it.