I love working. People don’t understand that I’m obsessed with results, giving 110% everyday. You can sort of have it all. Well you get what you work for.
That is greatness in my business: helping clients, helping strangers on the internet understand the industry, benefits, downfalls. Reaching all these goals on my to-do-list each day.
Wagner’s Das Rheingold Vorspiel blasts in the background. (In case you’re not familiar, he’s the guy who wrote Flight of the Valkyries.) I know the Ring Cycle melodies like the back of my hand. A powerful opera to start me on the right foot taking on challenges of my day. Sometimes, I need silence to operate, especially when curating the words in the right arrangement in pitches.
I close the door to my office, getting up without even washing my face or brushing my teeth just yet. Ablutions are executed on my break as mundane tasks are on the backburner.
“I need an hour to myself,” I enunciate clearly and loud enough for my husband to hear across the room. After five minutes of closing the door, my husband pops his head in to ask, “Do you want sausage and eggs?”
Slamming the mouse on the Vogue magazine I use as a mousepad, I grunt like a troll frustratingly shaking. He interrupted my ego. Or just my sentence I was typing out that distracted me from the purportedly brilliant sales angle I was trying to make on my pitch. That idea is lost forever and I’m an episode of Frasier forgotten, and only mentioned to amuse someone for a few seconds.
Sometimes I handle it politely, other times I want to throw a vase against the wall in devastation for my departed pitching ideas.
This happens a lot.
I love my husband. Objectively speaking, he’s a wonderful person. “Man’s man”, I was told by another gentleman friend. He literally saves lives everyday in his job at the hospital. He’s the one that calls the company to manage a discrepancy in the bills. The person who speaks with the manager when there’s a problem in our apartment. The beacon who holds the light toward future business consulting concepts, and does almost every single chore around the home without being asked. I can’t thank him enough for his existence alone.
But this is a problem. All I asked was for one hour. ONE HOUR. Call me a bitch wife. But the only reason people think I should be silenced or disagree with my point is because they’re not used to people actually standing up for themselves and what they want/aim to get. Something unexpected is not always welcome with kindness.
I need zero distractions when working, because pulling out ideas out of my ass is what I’m kind of good at haha. Truly though. It’s hard to write a great paper when someone is asking you if you want tea every 10 minutes. Yes, it’s nice, it’s kind, he’s the best partner ever. But I asked for something specific and he had no discipline to deliver. It’s human, alright.
But I need to work, especially going full force before this launch for the next season I will be under even more pressure than usual. I love this exciting, nervous part of my work, but I’m also trying to hold it together at home with a loving husband. It’s hard being a 110% giving business owner and balancing it all.
You can’t have it all. Only the things you work for. Every time I prioritize dedicated time to him that is shaped around his availability, he’s not ready to spend the time. No matter how mapped out, scheduled and organically planned I made it. I can only give so much at a time with max energy, so if you’re not ready when I am, the timing is wrong and you missed your chance. Sure, you’ll have plenty of chances. Just know your opportunities and when to pounce, because I’m doing my part. If you’re missing out–that’s on you.
Being in a relationship is not one-sided. One person can’t do everything handling all the one part of life. And the other can’t compliments your weaknesses by showing up there. You still have to try the other things outside of your comfort zone to meet in the middle. Equilibrium is only as fair as it gets, but you have to put the work in where you can. I’m not sitting around in my office all day and night doing nothing.
Both of us are working at it yes, but the tolerance level is up to us and can only be sustainable for so long. That’s why I give myself a season to prepare for something as big as my launch and making sure it’s scalable. If I don’t try now, I will never know. What I do know is my husband is most likely to be by my side. But I’m willing to take that chance to chase my dreams. Nobody is going to get in the way of my ambitions. I will not put what I wanted long before I met someone on the backburner.
I work hard and deserve what happens to me. Controlling your destiny comes at a cost and is expensive for the risks you don’t take. Enter more cliches here. But know that I am not the person to be distracted with little bits of joys here and there. I will suffer through it all before basking in pleasantries.