My parents were extremely tough. People cannot compute this information when they receive it because I’m bubbly in person somehow. But they were tough to the point of abuse (breaking my nose, bursting through my door at 2 am to yell at me, choking included).
The only person who has seen my tougher exterior is my husband–almost everyday, poor him. And usually just people who ask me stupid questions. I try to avoid those people.
It’s not a tough person thing, but more of a don’t-mess-around-let’s-get-this-done-asap attitude.
What drives me is simple:
I hate struggling. Hated witnessing my dad twice a single father struggling to do the extra things for me to succeed. I hate fainting in public places because I haven’t eaten for two days. Hated giving up my newborn son because he would see me struggle and have less odds of getting a good education; or watch me scramble trying to feed him. I hate not being able to give my husband the beautiful life he deserves. I get in a bad mood when I can’t afford something or don’t make enough money.
I don’t want to feel that type of pain again.
The truth is, I’m an addict. Not for drugs or alcohol–I’ve tried to see what it was like and never found the allure.
Tasks, Systems are truly my obsession to the point of not eating, sleeping or even acknowledging my husband in full, cohesive sentences.
You think I’m exaggerating but my focus is most important when completing a project no matter how small. Even if I do end up scrapping it and starting over.
Previously, I was anorexic for 9 years so forgetting to eat is a feeling my gut is unfortunately used to.
When new ideas come to me, sometimes it’s late at night, and I literally lie awake until 6am thinking of ways to execute them efficiently.
Sad to say, but ever so thankful, my husband will pretty much clean the whole home before heading off to a late shift at the hospital. All while I sit at the computer, pounding the keys, html to screen, creating new leads, websites, attract new people, answering notifications while next to him, ferociously scratching pen into a notebook while he tries to converse with me.
I sit for three days with not showering or brushing my teeth, scratch dandruff down from my head. Work is my mistress and my body gives and gives to what others think is punishing my soul.
“If I’m smart and hard working and I can crank out for 70 hours a week, and you are smart and hard working but you only put in 30 hours a week, in two years I will be so far ahead of you in the race to the top–you will never ever catch up”, Jordan B. Peterson
Sure, be uni-dimensional for a while. Hold off on having unwanted screaming infants at the crack of dawn like all your friends. Wait a bit longer before putting the investment money into the new property you want to buy. Be a little stingier with the creamer in your coffee. Learn to drink more water to curb your appetite of actual sustenance.
It doesn’t sound very healthy because it’s not. It’s an addiction. But I don’t gradually change my ways as you see the slope is steep. It’s a hard 180° pivot. Somewhere along the journey I will take the time to figure out the conscious efforts of balance.
People say they want to reap the benefits of a business but don’t do any of the work. That’s like signing up for the olympics and not training.
It’s all worth it because one day when my youth doesn’t matter, it especially won’t because I spent it all talking to all the people I needed to. In senescence, I will have the ability to only be surrounded by those I want.
What is something that keeps you pushing and strong no matter the weather? Please comment below I love when you share.